Agreements I'd Like to See

As you may have read elsewhere, The Sporting Life recently reached an agreement with the Minnesota Leprechaun Association to allow leprechauns to participate in the St. Patrick's Day Human Race. That process took over a year but common sense finally kicked in. Running should be inclusive, so make it happen! It made me think about other barriers to running, and other agreements that we need.

Let's make an agreement with homeowners that they will all do their duty and shovel their sidewalks next year. Every snowfall, not just the ones of a foot or more. Sure the 'solar method' is easier, but what about pride of ownership? Do you really want that slip and fall lawsuit? Runners can commit to spit only on sidewalks that haven't been properly cleared.

Another agreement that I'd like to reach is with cell phone companies. Let's install a kill switch that kicks in when your car engine starts. Sure you can handle the U turn with a cup of coffee in one hand and a cell phone in the other, but I'm worried about the people who aren't so talented. Let's not put any more pedestrians at risk. Runners and walkers will gladly agree to not tell stories about the idiot driver that almost killed them in exchange for safer streets.

We already have an agreement with smokers, but there are some new wrinkles. I understand the natural connection between smoking and 'theatre,' but maybe smokers can redirect their love of the arts to something that doesn't include the heaters. Or at least make it an at-home performance. We'll agree to turn away when we see smokers fling another lit cigarette from a moving automobile. Hey, Smokey the Bear has to earn a living!

I'd like to open negotiations with Apple and other makers of portable music devices. I think you've gotten a bad rap in the running scene and probably don't deserve to be banned from races. Let's create a system that allows race directors to broadcast on a frequency that automatically cuts into what you are listening to when we talk on our PAs. That should take care of the 'distracted runner' issue. For my part, I promise not to sing my rap song.

Finally, I'd like to speak to the 'makers' of bottled water. Stop charging a dollar a bottle for tap water. We're not that stupid. We're just really, really thirsty.


I have one agreement still to work out. This one is closer to home. After the leprechaun agreement, I've been getting pressure to open the field even more. Should I let Sammy (pictured at left) participate? I tell him he's not an Irish Setter, but he just stares at me. Help me decide. What's your vote?

Click Here to vote